Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress: #3B – Part II - Weary Worry – Thoughts! | EP030

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering ife's adventuress, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are Mastering ife's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm back. I wanted to talk more about where you warrior because it's an area that I think a multitude of people have in terms of worry. And we have to be able to look at ways to gain mastery around this type of worry that continuously go on in our mind is incessant. And I'm included in that there's some things I worry about. But I've been working on it. And maybe work on it gets better and better. And so when we're more intentional about the things that we're worrying about, we start looking at it as really being true or not being true, which I'll talk about in a minute. I was thinking about Marie as like the march of the ants. And we have a lot of ants that march around and can build a mound. Also, I was thinking about the buzzing around like a hornet's nest or bees. Yeah, like a bees hive that can take place. And actually the bees reminds me of my father. We lived in this rural area, he decided to have two beehives. And those beehives were have been ordered to have honey of course, which was great to be able to have, but when you're thinking about managing worry is like bee hives, but in the buzzing of the bees, and also came the stinging of the bees and the swarming that took place when the bees did not have their queen, so that we experienced all of that I experienced the buzzing of the bees around my head when I was walking outside and I experienced the sting of bees in my hand swelling and my leg swelling up because of a beasting how it just spells up very quickly. And also the swarming that happens, all these things are kind of analysis, what can happen with Worry, worry may 1, begin starting off very small with a thought about something. And then it can quickly mount into something bigger, and having more thoughts about the same situation or what things are going on or what's happening. And before we know it is swimming around in our head. And some of it we can feel like we're getting stung by this particular worry because it's creating points of irritation, or more madness or sadness or annoyance or is feeling unjustly treated. And so we began to worry. And that worry if it continues to go on continuously, it can move us into feeling anxious or angst and feeling overwhelmed by the things that we are worrying about. So I wanted to talk more about this because Bruery can take up a lot of space. And it can be very subtle, or can be very awkward, and how it's taking up that space. But one thing we know for sure that with worry there usually is some form of distortion and our reality of what's going on. And what's true and what isn't true. Because we tend when we're worrying is to blow things out of proportion in what we see or what has taken place. We think about it in my exaggerated way, in many, many times. And for example at work, you may think that a co worker or even moreso a boss has walked by you three times in the past couple of days not acknowledging you not seeing you But whereas before they would at least nod their head or say something to you. But it continues to where are you that is there something you did wrong or is this something that wasn't right or could you have done or spoken better in that meeting? So there's all this warming of thoughts is coming? Yeah, because you're feeling that maybe something is on shoes gonna drop because they're not talking to you because there's something out up, there's something going on, or someone told them something about you, you don't know why. But this is how our mind starts to blow things out of proportion, as we quickly start to get into that catastrophic thinking, or we get into feeling as if people are not liking us or not respecting who we are, because they're not paying the usually the common courtesy of saying hi, or acknowledging you by their head nod. But it may or may not be true in terms of what you're thinking, but there's that swarm that behind this going on in your head, about all the possibilities and what may be going on, and what you may need to do differently and how you may need to do better. And so you try to think it when you're trying to sleep, that I need to do something different, or I need to do so I need to improve in some way. But you have limited information, all the swarming is going on in your head. And again, it may or may not be true. And then you may be a parent, in which you're trying to raise conscious and intentional and value driven children. And so in that process, you give them chores to do. You ask them to make sure they get their homework done. You ask them to make sure they're being respectful to the people that they're interacting with. And you're finding that they are on the other hand are complaining a lot of what you're trying to do in trying to raise them and some values, and also in taking responsibility and accountability for self by doing some of the chores around the house that you have assigned to them. But what you notice that they are continually not doing it, what you're asking them to do, and they're more resistant, it seems like and this is building frustration for you and for them. And then in that process of asking them also the gym, maybe more things because they're not doing the things that you're asking them to do, such as laundry or taking out the garbage or dusting. They tell you how terrible you are a parent, they start yelling at you in arguing with you. And in the you're getting into this sense of, of them being so disrespectful to you that you're wondering if you're doing the right thing, whether you're should be more lenient on them. And maybe you should not and not have to, they don't have to do chores. And they don't have to do the things that will allow them to develop that sense of responsibility, and accountability. And so you start with kind of this, you know, wringing your hands back and forth, which is kind of a form of worry to what should you do. And you worry about it. What should you do, because you still want your children to be respectful, responsible, accountable. And so these, he can be at a presidential level that the worry is going on, it could be at the work level things are going on. And it can be at your personal sense of self and your image of yourself that you're worrying that's going on. So worried can come in many different forms and go in many different directions. But it is occupying space within us.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:19

And it is creating this sense of usually underneath worry. There were fears that are going on, that we sometimes don't join them together to know that if I'm worrying and there's so many different fears that you can certainly have, I'm going to talk about three that can take place. And with these three fears, what you want to think about is when I worry Do I see any of this happening? And yes, I know they're more. And so you can be certainly think about other types of fears that may be tying into your worry. But what we're trying to do is take that layer off and go a little bit deeper into worry. And understanding. The first fear is really doing it wrong. Or am I wrong? For my perspective that I'm taking? Are you start thinking about there may may be other ways I can do and certainly there may be, but the fear of being wrong or doing something wrong at home or at work or you know how you're presenting yourself, you have to think about that. If that fear is going on because you're wanting to move away from fear, you know, move more proactively into a greater sense of calmness and looking at things in a realistic way. And doesn't mean we can't make changes and shifts and how we're going about doing things but you don't want to have fear is your driver of worry. So the second one is fear of loved ones and or sometimes others not respecting you or looking or getting upset with you. And so is that fear of losing out people's love in some ways, and that may make you feel more upset because we all want to be appreciated, valued, and feel loved. And also, especially for the things that we're doing for others, we want some degree of recognition. But we have to realize, sometimes recognition doesn't always have to come from externally of ourselves. The recognition can come internally, with our connection with our higher source, and knowing that God gives recognition to the things we do, we're living in life, not for man, but we're living life for the glory of God. Keep that in mind. And be aware of, if this is getting in your way, in terms of the fear of loved ones, or there's not respecting or are not looking up to you or are being upset with you in some ways, because we don't like people to be upset with us as well. But we have to realize sometimes we have to allow people to be them, as we're learning to be ourselves, knowing that we're not doing or saying things in a malicious way, or in a harmful way. So the third one is fear of being personally or socially judged by other people. And a lot of people say, and I've talked about this before, I'm not like being judged. And that was in Episode 12, that I talked about the five types of judging, that could take place, but usually these types of fears, usually, in terms of being judged, or in terms of feeling us people are not going to appreciate our love us or the fear of being wrong or not doing in the right way. They fuel our worry, and move us into weary wearing us away, and worrying so much and draining us in some ways. We wonder why by the end of the day, that we're feeling drained, is because we're worrying at a conscious or unconscious level, that worry is taking place and draining our energy. And we can know that it's having an impact upon us in terms of this very worrying, and maybe diffuse or it may be specific around things we know is happening because our body will tell us that in some ways. And so we have to be mindful of when we feel like increased heart rate, or we're feeling that there is a sweating was going on and some part of our body and our hands are around her neck or. And so being aware that our adrenaline will start to rise to because usually where there is fear, whatever type of fear how much research as shown is in that fear. Fear equals fight, flight, freeze burpees. And when we're having that going on, we can actually develop habits around fear. And so anytime we're fearful of something, we have this fight, fight, freeze and appease take place within us. And we need to take a step back and just go a little bit deeper. And just ask ourselves, what's up? What's going on here. Because we don't want to keep on this perpetual cycle of fear, or uncertainty of what we have been talking about is worry and Worry, worry. But that can turn into feeling more anxious. And that anxiety can feel like a boat, on a turbulent sea going up and going down, going sideways, blowing us in different directions. And that's not what our soul wants, and what nor what are so needs. And what we want to be anchored in is God, the I Am Presence, your higher source, the soul is working on the quality of trust.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:13:52

And in the form of faith, or love, or greater discernment to these things that are coming up in our world on a daily basis that we're having, when we're having a sense of worry, is pushing us to be able to say, Oh, this is a warning sign. What's going on here? Because we don't realize these habit patterns of worry have gone on for much of our life. And so we have to unwind these are these worry patterns and start to be aware of the fact that we don't have to live and anxiety. We don't have to live and worry. And what we need to do is dive deeper into the weary worrier. By these three factors when they're coming up. We can identify them and then we can begin to work differently and start to challenge ourselves a little bit more about a series a situation that is important for me to have to be right on. I can be wrong, that this degree of humility with that or a P You're upset with us, just because you're upset with us for something that is true and honorable that we're doing, then we have to be aware of the fact that they have to, they have to do them, and you have to do you. And you've got to stand on your values and your principles that are important to you. And so in that judging aspect, we will realize that we live in a society and I mentioned this before people, which they'll judge us, but where's our attention placed? Where is the soul's attention place is it placed on something above us and higher to us, and we're anchored and that love and discernment and faith and knowing that we're doing our best, and we'd surrender the rest, and these particular situations. And so we have to find ways in which not to allow ourselves to be that on that rocky boat of the storm taking place. And it's just pushing us in so many different directions, that is creating more worry, and more anxiety. Because there are some things we have little control of that outside of ourselves, and all things that we can put our attention to is things that we have control over. And that we also need to be anchored in the fact that our soul has something greater. So it's not just living the materialistic life externally to ourselves, and being that boat and going on the surface in the turbulent waters going up and down, but being anchored in something greater than ourselves, which is God, which is our I Am Presence, which is our Creator, which is a higher self, and being beginning to have conversations with our higher self and given Fiats of truth and comfort, and being able to breathe in peace into our world and out breathing peace so that we will realize that fear is not going to take the advantage of us. That fear I'm talking about fear right now is because it's one of the components that helps to continue on the surface to have Worry, worry worry to continue to percolate or continue to swarm like bees, that we have to be able to calm our mind calm our heart to realize no, that's not my anger, worry is usually anticipatory. And we're thinking about what has happened, and what will happen in the future. And there's nothing bad about being prepared. But if it moves you into worry, that's when you have to be able to say this crossed the line, we want to be prepared and thinking about the future, we want to use the past in order to prepare for the present. And that's all well and good. But we do not want to feel less a worry is taking, taking advantage of our mental, emotional, and physical spaces within ourselves. The true realization is that fear, you're working on fear as having no space, no room, low frequency within you, because we're a God exist, which is the true essence of who you are. That soul is connected to God. And as I've talked about it before, your soul is the inheritor of God's kingdom. And in God's kingdom, there is no fear. There is no space for fear for these momentums of energies and frequencies of feeling uncertain and unsure of yourself and not sure what you need to do and how you need to do it. That is not a part of God's kingdom, that is not a part of what we know about God. And is as if you're trying to kind of put your attention to more of what is true. What do is it that I do know about God? So doing research on your faith? And what that looks like and doing inspirational reading or doing reading from the Bible or scriptures gives you more of understanding of God about who God really is. So do you remember the movie that came out in 2007 with Denzel Washington, this called the Great Debaters. Probably some of you remember that the Great Debaters is a great movie to watch. But Denzel Washington played Melvin Tolson in the movie. And there's one scene I'm not going to go through the movie itself, but I just want to go there was one scene that was very simple and impactful to this conversation we're having about reducing worry, and understanding that fear has no space in God's kingdom. In this one scene, it was called, it was called who's the judge? And then Melvin says, I thought was really powerful. And it was who's the judge? The judges God. Why is he got because he decides who wins and loses not my opponent. And in this case, our opponent is Worry, worry, worry. And then Melbourne as who is your opponent, he does not exist. Remember I said, in God's kingdom worry in frequencies to not exist. And then Melvin says again, why does he not exist? Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak. So we want to speak the truth in situations. And this was a training that he was giving to students, and he was training in debate, and how to become the best debater. So that's why it's called Great Debaters. This guy and conversation I was going back and forth between Malvan in these four individuals that were in the movie, which were Samantha, Henry, James and Hamilton, were the names of the students that were in this movie. So it went really nicely in a flow. And so it went was who is the judge? He the judge? Is God. Why is he judge? Because he decides who wins and loses? Not my opponent? Who is your opponent? He does not exist. Why does he not exists, because he is a mere dissenting voice of truth I speak. So one of the things we want to be aware of the fact is, is that we we speak truth to in our inner self, of things that we know is true to what we know God's Kingdom is. And our path, our spiritual path is that it can calm us inside. It can calm us to allow us to know that God is my source. And I want to always be in attunement with him. And so this energy when it comes up as angst or fear, worry, I just know, I'm okay, I'm off the path, I want to get back on the path. And one of the ways that you can do that is through two tips I'll give you one is calm is a tip an acronym. And that is you want to challenge the thought, and have a conversation with God that says, see. So you want to challenge the thoughts that you're having? Is this true? Is this right? Is this? Clearly Why am I thinking this way? Do I have enough information? So you want to be able to ask yourself those questions, because sometimes we do not have the right information, or we have to inquire more with our children, or at work about what may be the impasse or maybe what proceeding may or may not be accurate, or we just have to have conversations to take place. The next is the A which is ask God, what I need to do here, what is it that I have control over. And that does require that stillness you always hear me talking about that stillness and being still, which is still to light in love, and being in tune to that frequency. So that you can be able to ask God in and start to have a conversation with God about what's going on in your world. And what is it that you're needing some greater guidance around. And as more and more we do it, the more and more you hear God's voice and intuition in a more clear way. And you start being obedient and walking that path in a way that you can feel really good about and more strengthened inside of you. And then look for the Alice look, look for what you can do differently. And so you immediately if you know you can do something better or do it differently or revamp something, why not? Life is for learning. Life is for growing.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:53

And then the air of calm is mindfully breathe. Breathe in and breathe out long, deep breaths, allowing that anxiousness or attention or worry that is built up, release it, let it go. Think of a mantra you want to say to yourself yourself, think have a mantra that you want to say for yourself, I'm letting this go. God is in control. Whatever that you want that to be in order to support and help you through your particular situation that you're finding yourself in. And the final tip, though, the second tip that I want to get to give to you is try to find a mantra that you find is soothing and helpful can be the one I just said I just recently said or it can be something that is exciting and rewarding are aspiring that you believe it has to be a module that you believe that have some value to you. And when you can think of that monitor, it can be anything from IRIS look for the truth. What is the truth here can be your mantra, or it can be, what's the best way of looking at this situation. And a monitor can be a statement or it can be a mantra that you say I am, I am harmony, I am peace, and I glorify God in all that I do. So however you want to look at that, you want to do something that occupies the mind that is positive, that is rewarding, that feels good, that how allows that old habit of worry, just start to dissolve itself and move away from the worry and realizing it's an illusion. The things that we sometimes worry about is all in our head, as they say, because we've made it be conjured up in our head, and therefore we can lease it from ourselves as well. Something to have fun with Don't fret, each day is a new opportunity to move forward and get in your mastery and your self mastery. And also for your soul to be on its path of realizing is uniting back to his true source is God's source. And our daily living is an opportunity to give us certain experiences that allow us to grow and to continue to advance. Something to think about. Bye for now.